31 January 2010

An Argument


I reason with the sun as it rises. Like locusts over a cornfield, the new light spreads over the open field of devastation. And it is here, in front of me I find myself surrounded with tragedy. Open wounds bleed black blood, the field littered with the bodies of thousands who have before me died. Look, at the man with pus pockets on his paled, bloated, waxy body. And that woman there her legs impaled together by the broken arrow of a savage man. And I inhale the putrid smells of the mass open grave, no flowers on headstones, no grieving tears. Just an open surgery without anesthetics.


I walk, over pus pockets, impaled carcasses and blue lips. I smell the decaying air, taste the iron from the human composite pit. I feel the lumps under my feet, crackling silently and I only feel alone. It’s time to break down, I swallow the vomit rising and hold back the tears. Inside my head I hear silent screams, I can feel something slipping away. I question, if that is humanity. Maybe it is something more. Maybe it is nothing.


This is a war after all.

28 January 2010

Round 1- Defeated

There was a time in college, where I went through bad times. It was a carry over of a bad relationship that went wrong, out of reasons that are symptomatic of youth. He was jealous, and I was callous. It sounds simple enough, but it was a huge step for me.

I was unprepared to deal with the 'public' outlash of such a break up. Suddenly, there were people trying to sort things out, people trying to figure out who was wrong, people trying to help us move on (that is to put the term politely). What was a two person thing, just became a carnival of apparent relationship doctors, gossip mongers & opportunists.

Needless to say, thing
s got messy and rather gray. But that was college, so many years ago (ok not tooooo many, don't get excited, I'm not THAT OLD)... and I was recently reminded that somewhere along the way, love seemed to have turned to hate.

And I got angry, I lashed out, because it hurt. It was not physical, and it certainly wasn't a result of something that the other person did to me. It was the way it had fallen apart, or rather degraded. And it amazes me, how things go from sweet to sour in a matter of months, weeks or even days.

So I reminded myself, that college is not a line that holds all the bad memories at bay. It can continue, and follow you to the darkest of times and to the happiest of times. The only one with the power to stop these experiences is yourself, when you decide to stop giving a dam. In theory anyways... :O)

27 January 2010

The crazy love story

Once upon a time, there was a girl and a boy. They met on the first day of life, and over time they fell in love. They loved each other, or so the girl thought, but she never was sure of her love for him or he for her. They held hands and walked the parks, the rose bushes and had their first kiss under the Holy Tree of Forever Love.

The girl she thought, that this love would never end, but a special sprite, full of jealousy at the happiness they created hid whilst they were walking and created the illusion of another love for the girl. And seeing this, the boy grew doubt in his heart and unable to bear to watch the love fading away, she threw the boy aside. Hurt beyond the means to bear it, she crumpled into a mass of mud and lost her shape.

Through hard times and hot times, she grew harder. Slowly, a more brazen, bold and thorny girl arose. She covered
herself in nettles, and thought that by showing the world what it had showed her, she would expose the injustices in the world.

Then with more wrong turns, she realized that the nettles and thorns were but a show. The real lay inside her heart, soft and still shaken from her lost love. The boy would never look at her again, so she carried half her broken heart in her pocket and wandered onto wilderness.

There in the jungle, she met a unicorn, some magic, a short fairy and together they forged a new life filled with adventures. She met many more creatures of the fantasy world, worked hard and loved herself as much as her life.

And one day she met a troll, right next to the troll she found the boy. And the boy would not look at her still, and he did not acknowledge her. She asked him what had ever happened that angered him so, and yet he would not say anything.

So she told him, that she forgave him. With that he turned around, and she felt his presence always, but never felt his gaze on her again.

26 January 2010

Pieces


I'm not saying don't help Haiti, all I'm saying is, just because everyone tells us that Haiti needs help all the time, doesn't mean that it is the place that needs the most help from everyone.

Chats


Had a long chat with the special friend last night. Things have been nice all this while, and they promise to continue to be nice. I think it's about time I say it out in the open and loud enough for everyone to hear.

I've lost the plot. I just don't know anymore. I've been trying to reach out externally and internally, but my compass is just not working. I don't know if many of you face this often, but I don't remember the last time I just did not know right from wrong.

I know I have many a times, said, when you're not sure of what to do, just don't do anything at all, but you know what I've also realized. You waste time like that, you loose things, you find things in people that you could have found earlier had you had the direction earlier. In many ways, it's like listening to music without the words, of a song that you love.

But as much as I try and think it through and through, I just don't know the answer. When did it get so hard? Why did it get so hard? Arggghhh!

23 January 2010

A secret



I've been keeping a secret for a whole month, something that I need to tell you about.

I'm afraid if I keep it to myself any longer, you'll find out one way or another.
I wish you would have more time, so that we could talk.

And I could tell you that I found something, that I thought only you could give me.

I guess it's not so hard to take the first step, if it wasn't for the fear that I've lead you on.

I do wish you're where I am right now, but please know I'm happy to wait for you to move on.

Goat.

17 January 2010

A week


This week's been a quick one.

As: is leaving to Australia. We feel that it is about time this happens, given her recent trouble with people in general.

Bw: is sad, but met X after a long time. We hung out for a bit trying to get some things designed for Asra.

X: got in trouble with the cops last night, for drink driving. Needs to go release his bike from the police station today. I have a question though, since the maximum offense for driving drunk is Rs 2000, why can the police seize your bike? It's value far outweighs the fines imposable, unless the point is to have the driver deemed unsafe to drive on the roads. In which case, considering the legal limit is 30 mg/100 ml, then why not just wait till your alcohol levels fall to the limit required and then take your bike home.

N: Is off to Delhi, we hope it's better for her than Bangalore is.

Mariyam is down from Nepal, catching a flight to Maldives soon, but she thought she'd pop over here before going home. Think we're all meant to go out for dinner tonight.

11 January 2010

Things we should know

I was chatting with a friend's mom over Christmas, and she happened to mention a workshop that she planned to do for the young. The idea was to teach young people basic things, like putting in a light bulb. Or fixing leaking taps, things us city kids know nothing about. Coming to think of it, I don't even have the name of a plumber/electrician on my phone. And I have a lot of numbers.

Another thing I think we need to get educated on, are things like declaring tax. What sort of saving options are available, what saving money in the post office means as opposed to going to invest in the stocks. Yes, those of us with those fancy MBA degrees would know, that's my guess, I don't have one. But what about those who chose to get other degrees. The thing is, we rely on the media to educate us. Everyone knows brand names, across businesses, be it ICICI Prudential or HDFC Top 200. But how many of us know Fixed Maturity Plans, or hedge funds. We know what we choose to listen to from our parents, but do we have the ability to judge for ourselves. Do we have that financial awareness?

A crazy person a couple of weeks ago, chased up a dog near the house, and started hammering the dog dead with the branch of some tree. He (the dog) died in front of my house, and being the owner of a dog myself, I felt all the rage. Unfortunately, I could not mobilize myself quick enough from the horror of what I had witnessed, and when I did, I did not know what I could do. To bring this crazy man to justice. Was I to call the police? How would I make sure he sticks around? Was I to take his name? If so how would I know he wasn't lying? Could I take a picture of his face with my phone? How did I know that wasn't invading a common man's privacy? Another area we, the young, need some education on is the legal rights of the common citizen. I was rendered helpless, so all I could do was yell at the man, and watch him as he tailgated away blabbering something in Kannada about how the dog had bitten his child.

These are just some of the things I've found myself lacking in. I think I speak for a certain section of those my age. Curious, how many of you find yourself lacking? And more importantly, what are you doing to change it?

10 January 2010

Welcoming the New Year


This is the 5th year of the Blog. With the challenges of the last year, what with the adapter crashing and it taking forever for myself to make it to the shops to purchase it, happy to say I'm back!

The year's been good to me so far. Lost will air it's final season soon, there are tons of Gossip Girl episodes to catch up on. Work's been hectic, and personal life's been strangely confusing, four years back in my home country, and things are finally starting to resemble a normal life.

And after months, I finally get to listen to White Rabbit again!